24 Sept 2013

轉載

1994年王家衛拍攝了《東邪西毒》,我個人認為這部電影是王家衛的顛峰作品。儘管這部電影在當年的十四屆香港金像獎上和五十一屆威尼斯電影節上只獲得一些技術性獎項,金馬上還算有些收穫,並被評為當年的十大華語電影,而後來〈重慶森林〉,《春光乍洩》,〈花樣年華〉才給他帶來大師的聲譽。但是我個人比較喜歡這部電影。如果真的如杜琪峰所說,其實王家衛只拍了一部電影的話,那應該是《東邪西毒》。這部電影中有王家衛最經典的傷感的台詞,有著一貫的頹廢美,有著王家衛對現代人的內心所做的最全面的洞悉,之後的影片中都或多或少的承襲著一主題,但是這部中探討的最為深刻。 
   故事發生在沙漠,而沙漠的意象代表城市,現代文明使得城市呈現出一片荒蕪和缺乏生機。故事探討了現代都市中各色人等的精神困頓,撫慰都市人的情感傷疤。影片中的每個人都代表了不同的意象。 
   洪七——他來自鄉下,沒有穿鞋的外表,「不會留下駱駝不管」,「認為對就去做」,這些表明了他是個淳樸率真的人,代表了純真的自我。洪七為了一個雞蛋去殺太尉府的刀客,當歐陽峰問及緣由時,他說,「我的刀沒以前快了」,「和你在一起我發現沒有了自己」。雖然為一個雞蛋殺人不值得,但是「我覺得痛快」。這裡洪七和歐陽峰分別意指傳統文明和現代文明。一個淳樸善良但是瀕於餓死,另一個冷漠無情但是小有富足。歐陽峰在勸他做一個殺手時說,「考慮一下,不過要快嗷,因為肚子很快又餓了」。這就是現代文明以物質對傳統文明所作的脅迫。傳統肯定情意(洪七的義舉),現代則強調追逐利益(歐陽峰不會為一個雞蛋而殺人)。當洪七發現沒有自己時,代表現代文明對傳統文明的閹割。而洪七發現沒有了自己於是為一個雞蛋而殺人則代表了傳統文明對現代文明的 反抗。但是下場是斷指,這裡喻指洪七的勝利只是美好願望,或者是王家衛的主取向。王家衛以此來引導我們對現實困境的思索。洪七問山的那邊是什麼,歐陽峰告訴他是另一片沙漠,但他「一定要親自去看看」,以及後來他帶著老婆去闖蕩江湖,代表了他勇於開拓,之後終於成就霸業,足見王家衛對他的肯定,也可以說對他所代表的意象的肯定。張學友將這個小人物演得非常到位。 
   慕容焉(燕)——她是一個愛與恨的聯合體,她對東邪痴心一片,但是東邪僅僅因為「知道被人愛的滋味是什麼樣的」,所以傷害了她。為此她對東邪因愛生恨,同時又難以割捨對他的痴心。她一方面要殺死東邪最愛的女人,又不甘心自己不是,所以另一方面又認定自己為東邪最愛的女人。一方面她要殺死東邪,另一方面又要殺死自己去保護東邪。她懇求歐陽峰(誤認為東邪)一定要騙她,即使他不矮她,又潛入歐陽峰的房間把他當作東邪來撫摩。當她被棄時(東邪失約),她發出了原始的獸性的撕心裂肺的痛苦的吼叫。此時的背景樂是怪異恐怖的梵語,意為詛咒和仇恨。表現了現代人在愛與不愛之間的傷痛,他的雙重性別身份意指人格分裂,同時意指自我愛憐(哥哥要為妹妹殺掉東邪)和自我仇恨(妹妹要殺哥哥)的並存。最終她對著影子練劍而成名。這其實一種顧影自憐的變相,暗示著現代人只能與自己戀愛的可悲結局。她渴望著但孤獨著。林青霞成功的讓我們體會到愛與恨糾纏的苦楚。 
   陌生女人——由楊采妮飾演的這個陌生女人一直在歐陽峰的客店門前等人給弟弟報仇她代表了執著。「她的執著在別人看來是浪費時間,但對她來說卻很重要。」西毒一直想要她 的身體,意思是佔有和同化。「你說你不會為別人犧牲自己,我看你這次會不會說的出做的到。」這裡又一次體現了粗暴野蠻的現代文明的優勢地位。她一直固執下去,最終等到了洪七為她報仇。這可以說是王家衛對傳統道德的肯定吧。 
   盲武士——因為妻子愛上了好友東邪,而憤然離家出走。最終有放不下愛,又想回去看她。這個人物較為悲情,自己的妻子愛上好友,三十歲失明,最終戰死。 「以前聽說如果刀快的話,血流出的聲音就像風聲一樣好聽,想不到第一次聽竟然是自己流的血」。實在是可憐。在出戰前他強吻了那個陌生女人,實際上對妻子的最後的告別。「我走之後,那個女人的眼淚在我臉上慢慢干去,不知道那個女人會不會為我流淚」。最後他讓歐陽峰告訴東邪,他的妻子在等他。不禁讓人為他扼腕!一邊是愛情,一邊是友情,他難以解開這個心結,也放不下,最終他以戰死逃避感情糾葛。梁朝偉內斂的性格將這個人物的悲情表演的較為到位。 
   盲武士妻子——她因為愛上東邪,致使丈夫離家出走,得知丈夫死後,又失聲痛哭。她既沒有得到只為了知道「被人愛的滋味是什麼樣的」東邪,也失去了丈夫。她也是感情受傷者。有一場她在馬背上撫愛駿馬的戲。這裡高大雄偉的馬充當了異性的符號。她對馬的愛撫實際上是借此寬慰久久等待的心,至於她等的是誰,恐怕只有王家衛知道了。劉嘉琳自然的孤獨等待。 
   東邪——她暗戀西毒大嫂一直沒有說出來,為了每年見她一次而去見西毒。為了知道人愛的滋味而傷害了很多人,而他自己也是一個受傷者,因為的不到自己所愛的人是一件很痛苦的事。「從一開始我就輸了」,對於這種傷痛,他選擇了忘記,「人家說一個人有煩惱是因為記性太好」,他喝了那半壇醉生夢死,唯一記得的只有喜歡桃花(去看西毒大嫂的時節),以此祭奠自己的情感。梁家輝不露痕跡的表演依然讓人感覺到這個人物的傷痛。 
   西毒大嫂——這是一個孤寂淒婉的形象,紅衣濃唇,那空洞的眼神,顯得冷豔而又孤獨可憐,滿腹怨恨。因為一時衝動她嫁給了西毒的哥哥,偏又倔強固執的拒絕和西毒一起出走。為此,她飽嘗苦果,因為她深愛西毒,對愛情看得過於美好,看得過重。「有些事說出來就是一生一世。」「我覺得那句話很重要。」這是現代人的禁忌,情義極不確定又如何死守?終於西毒沒有說出來。「現在想想,其實說不說也並不重要,有些事是會變的。」當她後悔的時候已經遲了。「當我照鏡子的時候,我才發現我輸了。在我最好的時光最愛的人卻不在身邊。」從那段蠟燭被摔碎之後,就是她感情傷痛的開始。她對西毒的愛使她孤獨一生,憔悴不已。她從東邪處探聽西毒的消息,一方面不讓東邪告訴西毒自己的住處,另一方面又期盼東洩說出來。在愛面前,這個痴情的女子又一次的矛盾,因為她的身份,她已經沒有機會在愛了,最終病逝。她痴痴的看著兒子的那場戲絕妙的表現了她的孤獨。「看著他一天天的長大,我知道他總有一天回離開我。」說明她對孤獨的恐懼,但是她本來就是孤獨的。她痴痴的看著兒子的背影實際上是對西毒的愛的變相。在對這個孩子的描述中「明明想要卻又不說,非要拿到他跟前,他才會要」,我們知道這個孩子在這裡已經代表西毒(西毒對愛情不言而欲)。而這個兒子很可能是西毒的。張漫玉恰到好處的表現了這個冷豔孤獨而又楚楚可憐的女子 
   西毒——「著四十多年來,總有些時你不想在提,有些人你不想在見,因為他們對不起你……..」其實這裡所說的是他自己的事。因為自幼喪父,與哥哥相依為命,「從小就懂得保護自己」,這是一個在感情漩渦中極易受傷的形象。他的現代文明的能指身份我不在多說。因為他對情義沒有信心(因為多次受傷),所以沒有對大嫂說那句話。致使大嫂一氣之下嫁給了哥哥,使兩個人痛苦一輩子。他也為此而自閉「要想不被人拒絕。最好的方法就是先拒絕別人。」著也是感情的一種自衛儘管他 出世來到冷清的沙漠,但是他 心中難以忘卻,對著陌生女人的背影,不由得想到大嫂,對於慕容焉的撫摩,的撫摩,他將之視為大嫂,在夢中也不斷的夢到大嫂。和大嫂一樣,「越是越是想知道自己是否忘記,反而會記得越清楚」這段傷痛反覆折磨他,所以他變的冷漠,變的狠毒。「任何人都可以變的狠毒,只要他嘗到什麼是嫉妒」。他對哥哥嫉妒,對洪七幸福的帶著老婆闖蕩江湖嫉妒。「我曾經也有這樣的機會。這種嫉妒轉為對世人的冷漠和報復。這裡體現了都市人的冷漠的形象,似乎在接讀這種冷漠提供一種模式。他不會為一個雞蛋而得罪太尉府的刀客,又想要輕薄陌生女人,因為洪七不聽他的話,他不會為他請大夫(這裡代表了他對正統價值的憤恨,因為他沒有得到正統價值所肯定的真愛)。冷漠背後是一顆已經受傷害怕再次受傷的心,都市社會中他不能相信天長地久(傳統道德)。「每個人都要經歷這樣的階段,看到一座山,就想知道山後面是什麼,我已經不想知道了。」可見他已心灰意冷。但同時他又說,「回過頭看,發現這邊會更好,但是我已經不能回頭了。」又表現他對出走沙漠的悔意。這裡「不想知道山那邊是什麼」,也代表他對已經已經擁有的珍惜,可惜沒有機會了。當洪七帶著妻子闖蕩江湖時,他的價值觀開始震動,「曾經我也有這樣的機會」,羨慕同時也是肯定。當後來嫂嫂病勢,他決定「當一個人不能再擁有,唯一可以做的就是令自己不要忘記」。他的價值觀開始變動。直至他撿器地上的雞蛋(喻指對洪七和陌生女人的肯定),放火燒了客棧,返回白駝山,成就了霸業從逃避現實到面對現實,從出世到入世,顯示了一種歸位,也是王家衛的一種暗示吧。張國容身上特有的頹廢氣質在這裡表現的非常完美。因此,他在忘家衛的電影中一貫飾演這種頹廢的人物 
   本片中每一個人的台詞都十分經典,悲切之極,道盡了都市人的感傷的內心獨白。王家衛列舉了現代人的各種受傷的方式,表明現代人極易受傷的特點。現代文明到來後,人成為物質的奴隸,情義被淡忘,溝通的缺失,心靈的淪陷,感情變的極不確定,又極其複雜。而從一而終的古典情義被遺忘後,讓許多人受了傷,他們渴望情感又害怕受傷。在物質面前,感情基礎不牢靠了,終於出現了感情的沙漠。這也是港人的精神沙漠。 
   這不是一部簡單的武俠電影,沒有高低起伏的矛盾衝突分別敘述了幾個人的段落故事,形成了西毒的主角和配角的換位影片注重渲染一種頹廢末日的情緒。影片加入了意識流手法,最為突出是慕容焉潛入西毒房間,撫摩他的那段戲。西毒將她視為嫂嫂,而而她將西毒視為東邪。這種潛意識換位,絕妙的表現了兩人的孤獨和渴望。 
   影片中反覆用皇曆解說事宜,「驛馬動,火逼金行,大利西方」,「室空當值,大利北方」,「尤忌七數,是以命終」,「初十日,立秋,晴,涼風至,宜出行訪友,忌新船下水」,「夫妻工,太陽化極,婚姻有實無名」。這麼準確是否是一種宿命呢? 
   影片中較多的使用了冷色調,以古樸的藍,黃為基調。大部分服裝顏色為灰色,象徵著心靈的疲憊,對世事的倦怠,或者精神上的桎梏。即使慕容焉和大嫂身上的紅色也是冷豔與孤獨的化身。 
  本片使用放大膠片微粒的方法,使一望無垠的沙漠充滿荒涼感,場景轉換時使用美麗的空鏡頭。有時用平靜的水面倒影拍攝,代表著死寂,慕容焉練劍時,激起的萬丈浪花,其實是憤怒的外化,之後緩慢蕩漾的水面,代表了一種倦怠的心境。使用慢鏡頭拍攝盲武士最後應戰時的場景,呈現出一種悲壯。荒涼的沙漠,破舊不堪的小店,粗布衫衣,呈現出頹敗與荒蕪。 
   在拍攝打鬥時,晃動的影像,鳥籠因為不斷轉動而使得呈現在人物臉上的光影不斷變化,以及水面迴蕩,光點在盲武士妻子臉上不斷閃爍,水面蕩漾時呈現的扭曲變形的天空,一再闡述了人世不可知的哲學命題。甚至西毒直接說出:「我這才發現,我到這裡這麼久,卻沒有看清這裡的天。」 
   影片中蒙太奇的運用十分到位,西毒得知大嫂死後,畫面轉為一陣飛鳥掠過,劃破寂靜的天空,代表了西毒的內心的震動。盲武士說「不知道哪個女人會不會為我流淚」,閃回妻子的畫面,表明他是在和妻子作別。他死後,也有一陣飛鳥掠過,給了觀眾的內心震動,跳接到他妻子的畫面,也說出了婦人為他擔驚受怕。盲武士最後說出東邪與妻子的關係,倒敘出東邪因為失約而受慕容的劍傷,也是蒙太奇的運用。 
   正如片頭所說:佛典有雲,旌未動,風也未吹,是人的心在動。但是身處塵世之中,又豈能心如止水?


(http://i.mtime.com/benhoo/blog/294574/)

23 Sept 2013

Flaw

My adorable neurosurgeon MK has been promoted from the teaching hospital to another place as am associate consultant. Before he left, he had made such as a comment in the social circle:

... I also have enjoyed teaching the medical students because not only we could share knowledge, but also they kept reminding me how I might look like years ago...

Like him I realized I enjoyed teaching the medical students. Indeed, medical students are the best learning partner because they can act a viva voce examiner that you can prepare for examinations, when asked about clinical questions. Once you know something inside out, you can simplify your ideas and express it to a level they understand, it is very likely the examiner in real situation can pass you.

And I enjoy the teachings because most of the time, I am talking about classical, textbook-style cases. What is that, it is something that we approach the patients by taking good history, appropriate physical examinations, and then we think up a list of differential diagnoses, finally making a bit investigations and then proceed to treatment.

After the three months of the first rotation, I must say the real life is so different. What I have learnt from the great professors cannot be applied. Is it not right to take a good history and physical examination? PY, our honorable pediatrician must be very disappointed with the fact that we can bypass the criteria he set for a good physician using a urgent contrast abdomen and pelvis (sometimes plus thorax) for a abdominal pain.

Who is not disappointed?

As a result, I hesitate to tell the students about the reality. Young generations need a good imagination about the future. If I tell them, well, you no longer need history of physical examination. All you need is sophisticated imaging. They should ask me, why we still need medical education? We can simply train up a lot of radiographers and buy a lot of scanners for the patients. This is, possibly, cost-effective.

We no longer need Sherlock Holmes. The Victorian era has ended.

Because the imagination and the reality is so different, I almost had depression.

Why should I become a doctor? I told the nurses in the ward, well, I am simply a clerk, ordering a lot of investigations and did nothing good for patients at all. They laughed and thought I was joking. I was not. I lost sleep for that, wondering where will modern medicine go from the essence of clinical examinations.

What will Sherlock Holmes do if he is not going to talk to the client or go to the site himself? Well, he will indulge himself with cocaine (or nicotine patch), doing nothing.

I would have wanted to do the same, but I was brought back to the reality, and I have my mind cleared: to accept the flaw in the world. Don't you remember?

And nothing flawless, my dear fellow, is natural or genuine.

That's why 小龍女 is not a virgin. That's why 楊過 has to lose a upper limb. That's why they have to wait for so long to reunite. The true story in our life is, we have to accept the imperfection. Perfection, perhaps, only exist in the heaven. We in the end have to live with the imperfection, either it is a clinical dilemma or a daily decision. This is the life we need to have, a life that is outside the classics, outside the textbook-teaching.

So next time, I can tell the students the reality without shame. Well, flaw is, after all, something we have to understand and appreciate.

3 Aug 2013

History

As a fans of Sherlock Holmes, I must say I am more fond to the British medical system than the American one: diagnosis has to be arrived clinically, when the investigations are just confirming your suspicion. In short, we have to have something in mind before requesting one investigations, be it a complete blood count or a PET-CT. As the professor of paediatrics Patrick Yuen says, a good history taking and physical examination is the hallmark of a good physician. Interns of surgery are no exceptions.

However, what disappoints me the most is that, medicine in HK is gradually turning into a american one: we basically do many investigations, but not a lot of ideas in our mind of what is happening to the patients. You may say, well, investigations are cheap, but even a blood taking will cause pain to the patients, and this feeling is not cheap. Let alone a OGD or a colonoscopy. Well, there is no need for a doctor like me to book those investigations, as anyone who has knows how to use computer can click those items in the system, booking all those investigations, be it necessary or unnecessary for the patients. The so-called 80% diagnosis can be arrived based on clinical skills is perhaps myth.

But one day I know it really can happen. When I start to pay attention to what patients tell me, I can make a better clinical judgement without subjecting the patients to unnecessary tests. On the other hand, I don't need those high-tech tests to make a good diagnosis for the patients. The stories told by our seniors are true. We can do it. We can beat the machines with the most simple means: conversations and then physical examinations.

I could not but thinking of the old sayings from Sir William Osler. Listen, the patient is telling you the diagnosis.

30 Jun 2013

Blog

My old senior AL once wrote on his blog (which is called xanga) that he would love to record his life in housemanship in the very beginning, but when his year had finished, he said: he did not want to mention it again, for it was like hell.

Well. Let me remember this moment. I know it is hell and I have to survive. So sorry, I cannot guarantee that this site would be updated in time. I wonder if I have time to do that.

23 Jun 2013

Contact

Graduation dinner was held last night. Classmates were seen. Some photos were taken. But in the end we did not have a lot of talk during the feast.

It is quite natural nowadays. We have Whatsapp and Facebook. Who needs to talk? Therefore, most of the time people spent were taking photos. We were worried that we did not take a good photo then we might have a fruitless talk with each other.

My respected professors also noticed the problem. SN, a friendly colorectal surgeon started off asking me if I wanted to take photo first. Apparently he had been approached many times by asking taking a photo only, as though he was a movie star. Of course, I wanted to talk more than shoot a picture, which can by no means replace the content of a conversation. He was surprised, but at the same time, talked to me a lot about my future.

I was delighted that SC, my beloved oncologist recognized me instantly. I was more pleased when he was willing to share his own internship experience, and his view to the current attitude of interns. With his words, I can see the microscopic and the macroscopic aspect of our little world, as if I am given a talk on the molecular biology and the epidemiology of hepatocellular carcinoma. Though I will probably not become a oncologist, I found the doctors in this specialty very inspiring to me.

When I went back home and check the photos I had taken. I realized that some are of poor quality. Astonishing enough, I also found out some photos that had been taken were not existed. Blame it to the fate, I still enjoyed a good time with my friends. That's more important, isn't it.

20 Jun 2013

觀眾生

劉某可能是世界最不可愛的人。

愛有很多種,以下段落,指男女間的愛。

劉是一個孤星入命的人(東邪西毒的對白),以前他都曾經愛上過一些人,但這些對他都不太在意,他沒所謂:「你不喜歡我,我就不跟你多說話吧--我怕我嚇倒你,見面少一點,談話少一點,那麼你可能會快樂一點,那麼我都可能會快樂一點。」所以其他人就覺得劉不可接近了,他也沒所謂。其他人都不是劉的意中人,那麼其他人的感受,對劉某人是無足輕重的。

只不過這些人會影響劉的意中人對劉的感覺,原來人言可畏就要這個意思。

覆水難收。曾經,有一女子--劉某的意中人--特意去找劉某人去做事,劉某當然非常高與:她知道我的存在了,我的機會到了。原來這女子要劉某自己將自己的心掬出來送她!劉某才知道什麼是無事不登三寶殿。好吧--他一生就伸入胸腔,活生生拿出一個跳動的心臟--你拿去吧。我以後都不想再見到你。(雖然如此,他仍然每日都想念這一個負心人,一個西毒望向白駝山的心情)

至此,劉某人就知道人本身相當邪惡。他懂得戴眼識人,見到真實的一面了。

他終於可以同西毒一樣,可以說這一番說話:

很多年之後,我有個綽號叫做西毒,任何人都可以變得狠毒,只要你嘗試過什麼叫忌妒,我不會介意他人怎樣看我,我只不過不想別人比我更開心。

19 Jun 2013

觀眾

一直以來我都有很多演出,有樂隊有話劇有演講,原因是覺得心裏有一股慾望,希望可以將自己的才華表演出來,使人感到快樂。以前就有人說過,當自己投入去藝術時,自己就成了藝術的一部份。成了偉大事業的一部份,不就是很好嗎?

原來事情不是如我所料這樣好。就以我和同學一起搞的樂隊作例。我們已經有整整五年一起玩,以前我非常的積極參與樂隊的事務,我想我愛的音樂能夠演奏出來,我想我覺得能感動人心的歌曲能夠「出街」,不是我唱也沒有所謂(事實上,我只是一個沒有考過試的外行鼓手)。結果搞得和隊友的關係欠佳,大家早知。

現在,我的想法已經有所轉變,首先我愛的音樂一向走偏風,什麼Radiohead,什麼Muse,現在都不是英美的主流(現在是Justin Bieber的世界),只有一班狂迷痴情於他們,好像是非他們的音樂就不是音樂。這想法,當然大錯特錯;二來,我現在更加喜歡古典和電影配樂,難道我可以叫五個人玩這類型的音樂嗎?難道我可以叫其餘四個人接受造些音樂嗎?更別說台下我們的同事。

此外,對藝術不太「上心」,倒是一件樂事:以前我只在表演者的角度看,始終看不清本身表演的內容是什麼:為什麼要唱歌?為什麼要彈結他?為什麼要打鼓?其實甚麼我都看不清。這五年來,我打鼓的技術進步少少,其實沒有什麼修為上的提升。在觀眾席上,我看到更多音樂的色彩,更多不同的層次,噢,我終於都知道我愛藝術了,但我不需要強行做一個藝術家,也可以愛藝術。就正如我不必在facebook打一個感性的status,也可以做一個感性的人(當然,在facebook放性感的相片,自然是一個性感的人)。

未來的日子,打鼓的機會只會愈來愈少,除非日後同事仍想表演,否則我家中的鼓棍實在是裝修的可再造之才;鼓藝本身都沒有多少,就當做還給教十年前教我打鼓的Ms. JoJo Ho 吧(好像她已經結婚生仔了,那麼我就送給她的兒子)。

至於我心中對藝術的執著……佛家說執著都不要得,那我就將這一種我執都燒掉吧。化作灰燼,對肺部可能無益,對心靈卻是奇藥。

14 Jun 2013

人生若只如初見

今日做了一件有趣的事情:看一個從來不認識的人的Facebook。其實倒不是完全不認識他。本月初跟他就有個一面之緣,之間的距離約十米,我看見了他,他看不到我:因為他在台上,我只是個台下的看客。

今日我再一次做看客,他卻似早知:世間所有的相遇,都是久別重逢。我想要看見的,他都放了上去,我不想看見的,他已經收藏在裏。不過幾十張圖片,十多段文字,短短的自我介紹,他想什麼,我都清楚。

他就是我一直都尋找的文藝人,他是智慧和品味的化身,在他面前,我變得何等的無知;他就是豐盛神,我就是一如既往的豐盛神和貧窮神的下一代--既沒有,又渴求智慧的人。

當然他所放的一切,都早有預謀:為何有布局?為何有這一種布局?他明明知道只有我這種人才會被吸引。對,他就要誘惑,我現在身處他設下的棋局,看似無路可逃,就像Chistopher Nolan 的 Prestige 一樣,兩個魔術師為得到對方的秘密,將自己的日記變為布局,只叫對方掉進陷阱。

但現世有什麼事沒有這一種目的呢?也許連我這一個角落,都只等有心人上釣,我自己都不可否認--我寫日記於此,不過是姜太公釣魚。

可惜,人生若只如初見,我相信如有一天我們要見面,愛意不比今日濃。

12 Jun 2013

Sprain

I got an ankle sprain at the time of critical importance again.

It is the right ankle again. I remembered the first time to have such as severe ankle sprain was my graduation camping of the primary school. I was skating and I hurt my ankle so badly that I had to leave the camp site (with the escort by the dearest friend KY, now a police officer). Tears were in my eyes. My classmates except KY would not be able to see it, because they all had fun in the camp. I was the only one who got hurt and pain.

That time I have known what pain really is.

This time, I had a football game with my classmates in the medical school. I tried to shoot from a return pass at the edge of the penalty box, but it turned out I had an unaccustomed position that I had an eversion injury. Completing the shooting posture, I still could manage to play. But later on, I found the pain not endurable and I had myself substituted.

Now what troubled me the most is not that I could not play football (indeed I realize I will have no chance to have football game before internship, not to mention during internship) for a long time, I could not step on the ground with my right foot easily, thanks to the pain. Therefore, I could hardly play drums with my usual right-hand setting.

One solution is I will try my less-proficient left-hand setting. I tried for some time about that sort of arrangement and it probably can work.

This time is not that painful now, strangely. The possible explanation is that, I actually not really care about the band performance. Band music to me is gone. I enjoy silence more than guitar and drum. However the performance this time, I have nothing to prove. If tomorrow I should find out my ankle's condition is so bad, I will even withdraw myself from the rehearsal. My bandmates can handle the condition without me, I am sure.

In other words, I don't feel the same pain I did this time. After all, I have become more philosophical and tried not to put others' happiness into my burden, or suffering.

Cheese

Morocco, as a country located around the Mediterranean sea, is famous of Cheese.

We have had uncountable opportunities to have a taste of this very food, which was not very commonly served in Hong Kong. Well, we know why it is so: the humid weather can change every unprocessed food in a day or two into the dim sum of gems. For the sake of health, we let go this germ which is recently studied by NEJM to become protective to our cardiovascular system.

Anyhow, every morning, when the sun has come up (or we have woke up at the clock of 11 am), we prepared ourselves with bread and cheese. It is of course wonderful to found the tasteless bread to become a pleasing dish after the cheese is prepared.

As a local tradition, Moroccan will also supplement the bread with many others ingredients on the bread like jams to increase the sweetness. Heard from my father, Addition of sugar is a way to sustain in an adverse environment.

VM is particularly in love with cheese and this drove him to buy a box of cheese to get back to Hong Kong. He has a high hope that the cheese can still be itself when it is emigrated to Hong Kong. I did not have the same hope.

What I do is simpler: taste the cheese while I can.

6 Jun 2013

Swapping

The most fearful event before the internship finally came. Surprisingly, it was very smooth and it took me no more than two steps to complete the rotation choices by swapping with the others.

This is another time of moment that I felt the God of fate was working behind all of us. Either by the choices made previously or the changes with the people you know or you don't know, every step was like a butterfly moving its wing, which eventually made a tremendous hurricane.

While I felt happy for my friends who have got the desired combination, I felt the people who did not have  favorable rotations. What I could do to you is likely to be minimal, but I can just quote what SF told me once before: If you are meant to be a good doctor, you will be good whatever post you are in.

Please just hold on.

----------

One interesting fact about the swapping system is that, as usual in every year, you will encounter people you have never talked to during the swapping interval, possessing different interests. At that time, you will realize how fun it is to meet people whom you have never known can help you a great deal, even more than the people around you.

It is like exchanging train tickets (or octopuses) in the interchange station. People having opposite destinations will help each other for their own benefits. See, the world is after all not always a zero-sum game. If we can help each other even for the most selfish targets, we actually are doing something good to overall.

So may I use the space here to thank NL and DC for their sincere exchange. And I hope you two can get a good combination in the end (and of course, become the good doctors you want to be these 5 years).

2 Jun 2013

Travelling

As usual, I brought books for travelling. So for this time, when I went to Morocco, I brought myself with some leisure readings too, but this time there is a subtle difference.

Kindle paperwhite was with me this time. I have had the time to finish The Three Kingdoms (三國演義) and some part of the Sherlock Holmes.

As for Three Kingdoms, this was perhaps my third time to read it up. Every time I do it, new ideas and images came up to my mind to an extent that it invaded into my dream as if I lived in that time of moment, fighting with the Generals. Blame it to the video games, the appearances of the people in the novels are quite fixed in my mind, but their characters are lively in the novel that I feel like we can talk when I read the book. What a fascinating experience it has been, especially when I finish all the examinations so far, free of pressure.

The reading began when I was preparing for the examination. Every night before I slept, I would lie down and turn on the Kindle and read the book. When I finished it, I just realized that 100 years of time has gone through in my head. 臨江仙, which is the first poet in the book, comes to my head.

滾滾長江東逝水,浪花淘盡英雄;是非成敗轉頭空,青山依舊在、幾度夕陽紅。
白髮漁樵江渚上,慣看秋月春風;一壺濁酒喜相逢,古今多少事、盡付笑談中。

We are just the ashes of time.

17 May 2013

Quotation

On this very special day, which is the first day I officially become a medical doctor, I hope to share with you what is following me these years. These are nothing but some words of wisdom from my dearest teachers, who give me so much inspirations. I don't know how to thank them but to practise medicine with a good heart. Nobody says it is easy, but I just have to do it.

SF: If you have a caring heart, there is nothing you can't do. You will practise good medicine to patients.

TL (when he was just a house officer, when asked how to deal with futile resuscitation in the midnight): I can just try to do my best and hope something happen. There is not certainty about life and death.

JS (my mentor in my Singapore time): I am not asking u to become a good CUHK graduate. I am asking you to become a good doctor in the future.

KH (my all time model): you should put all your time with your patients, and all your time with your family. The thing to decide is how do you distribute the time. When the time comes, do you best. Be pro-active.

With all your inspirations, how can I not become a good one? Your hopes and expectations are not the burden but the powerful fuels to me. Please light me up and start my new life.

14 Apr 2013

Name

Officially I have gone through the whole curriculum, from the basic anatomy and physiology in year 1, to the philosophy from our dearest oncologist in year 5.

There are two people whose name who I can never forget.

The first one is CK. As you all know, she is my senior. Her commitment towards this profession is unshakable. Before the start of the year 1, she taught me what is devotion by her act. On one gathering, she would ride a bicycle (despite that she never know how to) so that  the group could have fun. I still remembered how she rode on the bicycle with two assisted wheels. You might think its easy, but for a novice, the bicycle was always shaking when you were on it. How on earth someone who decided to have a activity which she never knew or love? It was because she loved to gather the people she knew and cared about. She wanted to see us to make us good medical students. That is all.

Her Chinese name is 嘉明. 嘉者,讚許也。明者,亮也。 The beauty is the simplicity as well as the meaning underneath. People says your name is the description of your character. I have to say that her Chinese name is the best to describe her life: the praise of the light in our world.

The other one is our dearest oncologist SF. Being loved by so many seniors and my classmates, his teaching in the oncology module has been inspirational in many years. In the end of every tutorial, he would ask if there is anything new. His expected answer is no: indeed everything he taught nothing new in terms of textbook knowledge, on the contrary, he taught us how to integrate what we have learnt in these years, making them a memorable knowledge instead of forgettable information. His way of teaching is excellent.

He is being something more. In the end of the module, he told us stories about the ups and downs of people these years. He told us how bad the situation of our ecology has been, talking about the devils and the hells. Some could feel the pain from this speech. But, he decided to turn our mind again, saying that when the sky is dark the stars will be brighter. Whenever there is struggle, the opportunity comes up.

He loves to teach, hoping to see his students to become the light and salt of the world every year.

His name is 承暉. The continuation of the sunlight. Again, it is the best name to describe his life. Nothing less, nothing more.

With their inspirations, I am committed to make the best to become the doctor for the rest of my life.

1 Apr 2013

生不逄時


The first of April originally is meant to be funny for everyone. But for a special reason, Hong Kong people can hardly find it pleasing. It is all because of our Leslie Cheung, who chose to end his transient but spectacular life on the same day, 10 years ago.

Being the greatest star in Hong Kong, he is forever missed by the fans. He deserves it totally. For these few weeks he has been in every corner. His posters, his songs and his movies have once again infiltrated everywhere now, just like the 80's and 90's. Once again, we know that the difference between the truly great artist and the care-frees today.

No wonder one of my friend exclaimed her loss, saying she should have been born 10 or 20 years earlier to know Leslie better. Yes. in that case, she would possibly have known Danny Chan, Anita Mui, Wong Ka-kui better as well.

Instead of making the same sigh (which I used to do) as my young friend did, I imagine. I imagine that Leslie was born 20 years later, which would be 20 Sep 1976. By now he would have been at the age of 37, which is supposed to be his second prime, being the main actor for the movies like The Ashes of Time, Days of Being Wild.

In this age of time, he will face a much smaller resistance from the media about his sexual orientation. He was perhaps one of the first well-known artist who declared his choice openly (as well as being most severely attacked by the mass media). Now in Hong Kong, we are more open to gay men and lesbians. It was a completely different story 20 years ago, when we teased the gays and tried to avoid making contact with them, without understanding what they think. It was previously thought as a disease, but now most will know that it is just the difference of choice.

The game has been remade. People can come out and declare their choices with pride. People demand for the rights to love (which is intuitively right) and have marriages with their partners. Consensus although may not be arrived at this moment, we all feel that our community is at least coming close to the target, when the resistance is soften, and the conflicts are getting solved. 20 years ago, one without powerful imagination could not predict this would ever happen.

At least, should Leslie be with us now, it is foreseeable that he will become a happier man with his lover. He might not be the greatest star we have seen in the posters or the movies. He does not care, even if he is no longer an artist. He would rather become what he wants to be: Leslie Cheung.

P.S. Though according to the principle of parallel universe, there should not be interference between the spaces, and as a result, I am not quite sure in the absence of Leslie, our society would be as open to homosexuality as now. But one thing that is certain, our world has become more open to it in general. Let's hope Leslie is smiling for this very change from the above.

13 Mar 2013

Touch

Reading the blog of my teacher (who called himself a malicious nephrologist), I realized that what the clinicians today can offer to the patients that are superior to investigation machines, are nothing but human touch.

It looked like I am far from competent in both diagnosing diseases and providing cares to our patients. I have to confess that yesterday I did not behave like a good person, when I went to a elderly lady who looked so ill. Well, the sign on her neck was rare but very spectacular that medical students and doctors in a distance of two meters can notice, thus giving a correct diagnosis. Therefore, with a kind heart I led some of my friends to her as well, examining her neck.

At this time, her husband came bringing some meals and soups. Seeing a bunch of white-coats around her wife, he was more than happy. Maybe that time he thought we were doctors trying to help. Maybe that time he thought that his lovely wife  became better. Maybe.

He said we were a group of kind people. (你地真係有心)

But we are not. She did not get better neither. Next day she died with natural courses.

The bed she occupied was emptied. And it left also a hollow in my heart. I was not doing enough to support her and her husband. I asked myself: What have I become in this year five, when I supposed to learn to become a caring doctor? Everyday we went to the wards for signs but not patients. Doctors said it is right because it led us to pass. But as the incident comes, I could not doubt more about it.

So I now know what really have to do: to give some human touches to the people around me.

9 Mar 2013

Cool

In the end, some critics suggested that the failure of Manchester United which led to their defeat to Real Madrid was Sir Alex Ferguson. They said that, when Nani was sent off, the manager was too emotional and was unable to mobilize his bench players like Wayne Rooney or Shinji Kagawa to maintain the momentum of the team on the field, which was obviously losing faith that time.

At the same time, the manager of the other side, quickly realized the way to dominate the game is to control the midfield. And the way to control the midfield is to substitute Mordic who can pass the balls and shoot. Mordic did not let his manager down-- He slaughtered our red devils but a cracker.

I myself had similar experience when I had my examination simulation by the study group. My first station was examined by KW who was really good at rare diseases. I did not know what to do and my performance was bad. Having a low mood I continued to have other stations and did not improve. The whole day was gone and I did not learn really a lot. Blame it to the emotion.

But on the other hand it was a vital lesson to learn from Ferge and myself: how to stand up quickly after a fall is important, particularly when we have only limited time. It was just like what Rocky said to his son. "You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't about how hard ya hit. It's about how hard you can get it and keep moving forward."

6 Mar 2013

Anti-climax

The match between Manchester United and the Spain giant Real Madrid was supposed to be one of the greatest match in the Champions League this year, but the referee decided to make himself the centre of discussion by destroying the match.

Just before his controversial decision to send Nani off, the two teams were playing football of the highest class. Two teams were full of tactics and the players were full of energy and determination. I simply could not find another match to compare with this one, nor could I find matches from other sports that were as pulsatile as this was. However, with the whistling from the Turk referee, everything was in vain.

This is life. One decision out of nothing can change everything. There was a guy who was going to strike for his dream, but one accident took his ability out. There was a guy who wanted to stop the war with his music, however, one bullet took. This is a Manchester United with players aspiring to win everything this year and dominate the games but the referee ruined the fairness. I could not imagine how frustrated the manager and the players felt that time and after the game.

I used to compare the fate of Manchester United with mine every year: I now have to pray that I could not stand for another anti-climax in my life.

28 Feb 2013

Ayumi

It may sound odd, but I am always a fan of Ayumi Hamasaki (濱崎步).

It all began with my brother. When he lived with me 10 years ago, he had a collection of the albums from this Japanese singer, who was already a megastar that time. Strange enough, we both did not know Japanese. More strange is that we both were so attached to her music. Of course, we did not know the lyrics.

You might say, well, because the melody is attractive that we loved her songs. But technically the singer did not have a wide vocal range, compared with the contemporary singers that time. The composition of the songs might play a role, as you know there are so many re-mix versions of her songs, which are released as albums as well! (I suppose she did break the record to make few albums from few songs with various remix versions, and almost all of these albums are commercial successes that time.)

When I look back today, as I listen to her songs again and again recently, I realize that it is the emotion that inspire the generation of my time. Seemingly it is very difficult hard to comprehend, but this is the power of music, which is itself a language for communication. How often the people who listen to the Italian Opera will know the lyrics? People just appreciate it and love it anyway.

I am glad that I process the power to appreciate music, which has been my third language for so many years, making me cry and smile all the time.

27 Feb 2013

Circle

Finally I did the half marathon last Sunday. Though disappointed by result, I still managed to make my personal best.

It is lucky for me to accomplish the run. Thousands of people lost their limbs which disabled them to run. Some people do not have the good lungs and heart to keep them moving. I am grateful to be a healthy person to strive for the personal best, at the best time of my life.

Speaking of which, I still remembered when I started to develop running as my habit. It was in year two when I felt that I should join the HK marathon, and I bought a pair of the running shoes which I am still using.  The first place I ran was in CU campus, in a silent night that only the shadows of the trees and the shadow of me were with me. I could hear, regularly, the sound produced by the moving train around the train station. Sometimes the winds blew and the crepitations from the leaves, I still remembered them.

Now that I am already in year five and a few months later I will become a part of the health care system. Time is running so fast that I can't possibly catch for it. Perhaps last Sunday would be the last time I ran as a student. Well, I can't get a better ending than this.

23 Feb 2013

Colour

A plain paper can hold anything. Some tried to write down words on it. Some tried to put the pigments on it. You put all the colours onto it and make me a part of the beautiful picture. The colours did not fade in these few years and it is more intensified when the time of departure has come.

I am so happy that I, the paper, met you, the painter. You gave me the meaning of life and taught me what was worthy to purse and what was not. I made a mistake that I could never turn back and I chose to leave you, without saying goodbye. Since then this paper was never painted again and it made itself a trash, rather than a picture.

I usually did not turn back, but when I turned, there are so much regrets that I could not dare to open up my eyes to see. Therefore, I tried to keep my eyes forward. It did not help. People need to always remember the past to fight for the better tomorrow. Before is the front of the people. Our languages has wonderfully told us this very truth. When I really turned back to you, things started to come to my head. It completed the hiatus of me and I, now, have become a new person.

Thank you very much.

15 Feb 2013

Wishes

I had a flashback on a very occasion in my junior surgical clerkship. I was in UCH attaching to their surgical department. Lacking of any knowledge about surgery, I did not know what to do exactly in the wards, I could just find some patients who were lying comfortably on the beds to talk.

The professors says, the patients are the best teachers for us. But for convenience, I preferred to find some young patients who were supposed to be communicable, in order to commence my learning activities. I was in the 8B ward with patients having urological problems, following the evening round. The doctors took a lengthy time discussing the treatment plans for the patients, most of their conversations I did not understand.

Afterwards, I talked to the patient who was reading a Bible, at the bedside there was a wood cross. Chief complaint, history of present illness, past medical history......I wrote them up but did not know what was really going on with him. How stupid I was, I thought to myself, to spend precious time with a young patient with some incomprehensible history. Finishing my history taking, I was puzzled by him, and the words from the professors.

"I 've got a growth in the pelvis that the doctors did not know how to treat, so I don't think you can know it clearly!" He told me, smiling. The discussion finally came to nothing since I could not make any reasonable guess. I checked his medical record and really saw a weird diagnosis, presumably a rare malignant disease.

So coming back to this time, when my senior surgical clerkship has ended and the year of Snake has come, I recalled that situation. Rare diseases seldom are seldom curable, not to mention a malignant one. The statisticians who thought they know the truth (within the confidence interval) will probably conclude that the gentlemen should have gone already.

But I know he still stay in this world, or at least in my mind. I wish him happy new year, and stay healthy, my teacher.

13 Feb 2013

Amnesia

Nietzsche says: The advantage of a bad memory is that one enjoys several times the same good things for the first time.

In other words, The disadvantage of a good memory is that one suffers from what they have remembered.

One day I talked to an old lady who is a manager of a geriatric support group. She told me how bad the condition for someone to develop Alzheimer's disease, which caused a lot of carer stresses. "The patients looked so healthy that they seemingly are not having problems, but they just cannot remember what they have done with their family members in the past."

Of course, as we all know, the disease has a characteristic of retrograde amnesia, which the patient can easily forget what they have done in the recent time, but can preserve the memory from the very old days. But the patients having severe degeneration can forget everything.

"When I look to my friend Sir Charles Kao." She went on. Mr. Kao is the Nobel Laureate who is also known as the father of optic fiber. "He is never troubled with his problems. Preserving his socializing ability he can join in a lot of parties and be talkative. Of course, he may not even know who he is talking to, or what exactly he is talking about. Despite that he enjoys so much, and I am so moved by his wife, who took care of him for every little thing."

So you see, how bliss and misfortune can combine themselves to present before us. 禍兮福之所倚,福兮禍之所伏 (老子.五十八章)

9 Feb 2013

Stone

A doctor recently made an entry on Facebook, earning thousands of likes and praise.

I shall not discuss whether the medical officer will one day become the Victor Hugo of our time, but pray allow me share with you a piece of famous story about Jesus Christ and a woman who did sin. This is from John 8:1 - 11.

Jesus went across to Mount Olives, but he was soon back in the Temple again.Swarms of people came to him. He sat down and taught them.

The religion scholars and Pharisees led in a woman who had been caught in an act of adultery. They stood her in plain sight of everyone and said, “Teacher, this woman was caught red-handed in the act of adultery. Moses, in the Law, gives orders to stone such persons. What do you say?” They were trying to trap him into saying something incriminating so they could bring charges against him. 
Jesus bent down and wrote with his finger in the dirt. They kept at him, badgering him. He straightened up and said, “The sinless one among you, go first: Throw the stone.” Bending down again, he wrote some more in the dirt. 

Hearing that, they walked away, one after another, beginning with the oldest. The woman was left alone. Jesus stood up and spoke to her. “Woman, where are they? Does no one condemn you?”

“No one, Master.” “Neither do I,” said Jesus. “Go on your way. From now on, don’t sin.”

Though Nietzsche said we are now on our own in this world, it certainly needs some senses for people to judge.

Cosmetic II

The Professor asked if we went to Korea before, and did we notice the obvious abnormalities on the streets.

Yes I did, and I did once describe the finding in this very page (http://kkpoon329.blogspot.hk/2012/01/mask.html).

He went on telling us about his personal experience on the people in this country. "Their face are broad, chins are gross and eyes are small, thanks to their skull development. And because of their cold environment, their genetics has decided they have to be a bit obese to survive!" He said. "They may be exceptionally white, but it does not make them beautiful: please bear in mind that in this East-asian region, beautiful face is almost defined by the Japanese girl." Our authority said.

I could not be more agree with him. Indeed, what the Koreans are trying to do, whatever in their faces or in their technologies, they are replicating the success of Japanese. Although it may still be consider good by coping from greatness, there is not much character in the appearance of the Koreans. Mathematically, most of the people in Korea who receive plastic surgery are trying to minimize the standard derivation from the "beauty" in the distribution curve. (But in reality I don't think the curve is in normal distribution anyway.)

However, it is sad to see everyone try to look like the same person, or behave the same. Even worse, many of us like to do this. Many of us like to lose their own characters.

Perhaps it is like what the medieval philosophers proclaimed: we are all the replicates of the Gods. What we are trying to achieve to a step closer to the NORMAL: the Lord. So, welcome to the era of characterless-ness. This is the time where we all believe in God. 

5 Feb 2013

Cosmetic I

This is the final week of senior surgical clerkship that I am in plastic and reconstructive surgery. Sincerely I hope this will be my last week of surgical clerkship as a medical student!

This epic finale begins with an introductory lecture from Prof. AB. First of the foremost, it is about the definition of PRS in true medical context. Well, this specialty has been misunderstood by the public for a long time. Perhaps some will just consider plastic surgeons a service-provider to those who can afford to pay, for the sake of beauty.

The professor said "Some people have structural abnormalities of their appearance (skins, mainly) and need to have reconstruction surgery. This is a major part of our duty. Another part is, we perform surgery for the sake of cosmesis." Don't underestimate the relationship between your outlook and your "health". After all, as WHO stresses, health is a combination of physical health, mental and social health, not just the absence of disease.

In this case, a beautiful face can ensure a good physical health, lift up our mind, and subsequently, enable us to make a better social circle. (That's certainly an important function of our appearance: some even suggest it helps our ultimate goal of living: to mate.)

But what is beauty? What is in the surgeons' mind (or the client's mind) when they want to make a beautiful face?

P.S. For the information of Facebook philosophers, this is perhaps one of the earliest philosophical questions since the time of Plato (or even earlier).

3 Feb 2013

Soundtrack

Music is a kind of language, that's why it also can tell a story. Sometimes it comes with the movies (what we also call pictures) to make the story sounds better.

For unknown reason I start to appreciate, on top of the eye-catching scenes of the movies, the background music. It all begins with the Batman series from Christopher Nolan, with his long-term composer partner Hans Zimmer who provided him with the fuels of melodies.

Mr. Zimmer, if you know him well enough, is also the composer of the Lion King soundtrack.

People usually asked how it is possible for composer to write a score out of a picture, when the picture is not created by the musician himself. It is not the situation that we see in pop music or classical music. Will the director or the actor hum a melody which they think are suitable for the composer? Probably not. Most of the time, they will just give the composer the ideas or the themes that they should strife for. But how do a theme or an notion evolve as a score, that's the magic composers can make.

The magic of soundtracks are that it can come to your mind when you encounter similar situations as though we are in the movie. The soundtrack will play themselves as you go through the episodes. That's universal for everyone in the planet, as music is perhaps one of the few common languages to communicate, which does not need anymore lyrics.

Oh, how can possibly a man like me to live without music.

30 Jan 2013

Intellectual

Victor Hugo, 200 years ago, wrote Les Misérables to record the lives of the people in his day, showing his sympathy to the suffered and asking questions on the nature of law and justice. Because of his humanistic concerns to the problems, and his good hope to the world, he was also known as the first intellectual of mankind, that he used his knowledge to help the inferior people.

In present days, we can't need more intellectuals to reveal the problems that our city has. They do not have to dream about a utopia that God will save all of us in the end. However, at least, they have to uncover the stones that are full of germs underneath. And they have to guide our people to where we can be more hopeful and optimistic, showing us what good and virtue has to be.

We have a lot of writers to make their entries to the Facebook. Some of them are really famous to gather a lot of "Like" in a short period of time. But if we look closer, we should discover that their entries are but the ideas of the general public: full of mediocre complaints and lack of inspirational comments. Still, Facebook users like it. (An analogy comes to my mind: people like to have McDonald's rather than the local food restaurants but because McDonald's is better, but because they serve ordinary food.)

I used to post in Facebook for some thoughtful comments on current issues, but in return a lot more people would be interested in what I cook, despite that they never try them. Then I know: Facebook is also a collection of average peoples who deserve average attractions. Those people who are obsessed in getting Likes, let them become the average as well. They don't have to be intellectual like Hugo.

25 Jan 2013

Gradbook



As the end is near, a group of enthusiastic colleagues has decided to make a graduation book to record everything fun in these five years. They are now recruiting photos as the content. I see how hard they are trying to make a fancy and splendid book, however, I am afraid that this would be futile.

Well, we have a good Facebook. If you have friends in this social network, where total privacy is almost impossible, there are thousands of photos describing our daily activities, from snaps during running, a movie ticket or a coffee cup. Moreover, albums about birthday parties, outings or even weddings are not in deficiency. The graduation committee should have known this very fact and they are supposed to have an easy task to complete, for the sake of filling in the book.

However, when it comes to volunteering photos for the lives that are joyful to our class, it is really a trouble. No one except our class representatives are all-rounded to please everyone. Indeed we don't have to. But in this very little population there are a few who just want to watch the world burn, developing hatred and evil. They are perhaps as displeasing as some other people in our class who want to play God, putting themselves as the judges all the time. It turns out we can have few close friends in the class, but many dudes that you never know or hate. In that case, how can a grad book to turn a really sad class to a happy class, without changing the facts?

At this moment, though not 100% appropriate to use poems that describe romantic relationships for the personal relationships between classmates, I can never stop myself thinking of my favorite lines from 納蘭性德《木蘭花令擬古決絕詞》:

人生若只如初見,何事秋風悲畫扇。
等閒變卻故人心,卻道故人心易變!
驪山語罷清宵半,淚雨霖鈴終不怨。
何如薄倖錦衣郎,比翼連枝當日願!

Do you remember the first time when we met in the orientation camp?

Language

Where does our language come from? Human beings at the first place do not know English or Cantonese. It is perhaps until people have to communicate with each other, either for food or sex or anything else, they need to talk to express their need.

As languages build up, coincidentally our world and our brains becomes larger in capacity. Concepts develop and ideas arise. Agreements are made between people, so as conflicts. But anyhow, by definition, our world has become beautiful because of the language development, enabling us to describe it.

On the other hand, it has become ugly and evil with the language, as suggested by Cangjie (倉頡) who created Chinese words. Read the following:

龍顏侈侈,四目靈光,實有睿德,生而能書。於是窮天地之變,仰觀奎星圓曲之勢,俯察龜文鳥羽山川,指掌而創文字,天為雨粟,鬼為夜哭,龍乃潛藏。(春秋元命苞)

You see, my friends, many people in our history of human beings make tricks using the languages to control the minds of other people, making schemes for their own benefits. Languages are the tools of reason and truth when they are used by the people with righteous and just mind, but also the swords and guns when they are used by the devils. We should never give up our reason but just believing in what other peoples say. Instead, we always have to interpret what the external information, before deciding if they are true or false.



Timer

Tuesday I decided to run again, after a few weeks of hiatus.

Runners should have the same feelings in our little town. After all, we will have our yearly challenge of having the Hong Kong Marathon next month. If we are not to make the best preparation before the game, everything we have prepared this year would become undone.

In the last few weeks I had more football games than ever. But in a friendly match you did not really have a lot of chances to run. Sometimes you splint, sometimes you walk and most of the time you stand still and wait for the football. That's why my stamina did not improve a lot and I felt an urge to run again.

Setting the timer, I started my game from the hostel down to Ma On Shan and came back. It was entertaining and educational to listen to the recorded radio program. during the running, and the timer kept telling me the speed I ran. If I had asked friends out to run with me, then we would end up talking but not running, the training would become nothing.

Well, running was indeed a sole game. And I loved it.

20 Jan 2013

Pi

I had intended to write the story of what I had thought about my brother's marriage. But then, I found them so dramatic that no one will believe. So here I tell you, the couples came from a good family and they will live happily together forever. Best wishes to them, wholeheartedly.

14 Jan 2013

Song

From my personal experience, comparing with the past, we indeed have more songs in recent decades to mention about the loss of a lover that we are never with. That is called Amour non partagé.

Having so many instant messagers and social networks available, people might really have thought that we will be more easily encounter another part of us, or even engage with them. But it fact it may not be the truth. Some people, having the deficiency in their communication skills, can merely talk, let alone making interesting messages to be attractive. The social network, again, is just a burden for this kind of people, for they can just watch other people to demonstrate their affection. But the chances never come to them.

As a result, the market for these sort of Amour non partagé has never been so huge. Everyone sings about it. They actually moan about it. The loss of one-sided love. The imagined love.

Anyway, in the past we did have masterpieces about this phenomenon. Have you ever heard of Dante's Divina Commedia?

13 Jan 2013

Formula

There are, apart from restaurants that serve meals of different styles, pâtisseries that sell various of cakes.

It is a different situation compared with restaurants. In fact it has been infiltrated by chain stores, notably Tony Wong.

Indeed the famous TW has been quite successful to dominate the high-class cake markets, with its artistic designs and marketing strategies. Women's eyes will light up whenever they see the cakes. Seeing is the first part of our sensation towards a piece of cake. So subsequently, we know that the cakes will be bought, and photographed, and eaten.

The salesgirl, not surprisingly, is a sweet girl in the store. Her appearance and her voice were perhaps above the 95th percentile of the Hong Kong population. In other words, you will love her in the first second.

But on the second thought I know it is just a strategy. The manager knows the tactics. Customers just project their images of lover towards the sales, and want to do her good. With that the cakes can be sold more efficiently. Therefore, her face is just part of the promotion that attracts customers. In other words, she is just a part of the plan and the formula.

12 Jan 2013

KC

Seldom do I indulge in eating, for I think that time should be spent in a more meaningful way like reading or listening to music. But Kowloon city, a place full of wonderful meals, did catch my eyes and change a bit of my ideas.

This place was an old one, with short residential buildings around and a uncomfortable accessibility. But with these features Kowloon city remained its unique features: loads of restaurants that have their own characteristics that serve food that could not be easily found outside with sincere owners and staff with whom you can chat. True. It is all about the people.

The restaurants are plenty of customers but it is not crowded. People chat but they are not noisy. On a quite noon, it is hard to find a better place than here to enjoy.

What worries me is good time won't last forever. The tycoons have been trying to buy all the old buildings and planning to plant their empire here. What the throw to our old citizens are a loads of cash that can corrupt the hearts. No sooner people will give up on their lands, so as the little shops at the ground floor. What will replace them will be the spineless shopping malls(like the Kowloon City Plaza), where only chain stores can survive and no one will go.

Nothing is going to last forever. I just know it. But I am still thankful to the people here that give me a week of fantasy.

Self-harm

W is a sinner, but as Jesus Christ said we must not commit suicide, W dares not to kill myself. But in order to punish himself, he hurts myself.

If W do not hurt myself, how can the justice be done? Others will not know the dark side. The judgement has to be made on his own, so as the execution. There has to be someone to put the cross onto him to balance the right and wrong in this world. Yes. He is in the wrong side, and he has to do the right thing.

One day X (a friend of W) and W talked about a girl who was recently engaged. While X did not know that W used to love her, W knew X did. And then, they had the Roland-Barthes-sque discussion: described the girl from we knew and felt.

X said she was a simple-mind person and love the wisdom and virtue. Not only her appearance is beautiful but her soul is also the most adorable one. Losing her would be the part in his life that will never be recovered. He cursed the man who took away her. He was never a match to the girl, with the evil soul and the cold heart. Never. Never. Never.

On the contrary, W told X: It was the girl who picked up that man. If she was a person possessing the most wonderful character in the world, how could it be possible for her to choose a supposedly incompatible body part to fit her half-body? Therefore, she must not be that good.

X's heart was sunken. W knew it, because he had his heart broken before, only after understanding the logic. He kept this in mind, and cursed the girl instead.

6 Jan 2013

棋子

近日與友討論什麼是「收兵」。

其實我都不明白這是什麼意思,唯有用自身所見分析一下。大概是被愛的一方利用愛人的無私奉獻去滿足自己的願望。被愛的其實不想跟愛人相戀,但見對方十分誠懇,便叫他作很多事情,愛人見對象對自己有要求,便是上刀山落火海都要達成,以求芳心。

當然他是不會成功的。哈哈,因此這一種關係便如將軍士兵之關係,愛人的俗稱是當兵,被愛的就叫作「觀音」,「大元帥」,「將軍」云云。說來生動有趣,但當中之苦,當中的矛盾,怕不能為外人所能明白。

無論如何,這事情常有所聞,並非現代生活獨有。君應聽過落花流水之喻?人倫關係又豈是教科書所能解釋。我等只有經驗過才明白個皮毛,有人知多,有人知少。

送一首王菲的歌,叫棋子。俗語說的當兵,和棋盤內的卒士不是很相似嗎。


Cloud

Orthopaedics is still frightening to me. In my junior clerkship I realized that I did not really know about the subject, despite being a important part of surgery. It is disadvantageous for me to be ignorant if I want to become a surgeon, but I remained a dumb after the senior clerkship.

As a result I could not easily pretend I know something in the examination. Though the result has not announced, I am convinced that I will fail this time--I am usually right when I know that I performed poorly, although when I felt that I performed well, I did not usually get it right.

The consequence is a mild one: I will be reassessed in a 30 minute session that a professor will ask me to perform another set of physical examination, asking me some questions to check if I really am that bad. In fact, I am.

I told some of my friends about this matter. Surprisingly, they showed me the positive meanings. First is I can really have a second chance to face up with an examiner. It is only in the pressurized atmosphere I can improve my speed and fluency of the examination. Another thing is of course, as mentioned by the coordinator, this module end examination is just a practice. It is not the end of the world (also known as the final examination).

The silver lining of the cloud smiles to me once again. Let me face up with the result. Thanks my friends for the encouragement.