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My old senior AL once wrote on his blog (which is called xanga) that he would love to record his life in housemanship in the very beginning, but when his year had finished, he said: he did not want to mention it again, for it was like hell.

Well. Let me remember this moment. I know it is hell and I have to survive. So sorry, I cannot guarantee that this site would be updated in time. I wonder if I have time to do that.

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Graduation dinner was held last night. Classmates were seen. Some photos were taken. But in the end we did not have a lot of talk during the feast.

It is quite natural nowadays. We have Whatsapp and Facebook. Who needs to talk? Therefore, most of the time people spent were taking photos. We were worried that we did not take a good photo then we might have a fruitless talk with each other.

My respected professors also noticed the problem. SN, a friendly colorectal surgeon started off asking me if I wanted to take photo first. Apparently he had been approached many times by asking taking a photo only, as though he was a movie star. Of course, I wanted to talk more than shoot a picture, which can by no means replace the content of a conversation. He was surprised, but at the same time, talked to me a lot about my future.

I was delighted that SC, my beloved oncologist recognized me instantly. I was more pleased when he was willing to share his own internship experience, and his view to the current attitude of interns. With his words, I can see the microscopic and the macroscopic aspect of our little world, as if I am given a talk on the molecular biology and the epidemiology of hepatocellular carcinoma. Though I will probably not become a oncologist, I found the doctors in this specialty very inspiring to me.

When I went back home and check the photos I had taken. I realized that some are of poor quality. Astonishing enough, I also found out some photos that had been taken were not existed. Blame it to the fate, I still enjoyed a good time with my friends. That's more important, isn't it.

觀眾生

劉某可能是世界最不可愛的人。

愛有很多種，以下段落，指男女間的愛。

劉是一個孤星入命的人（東邪西毒的對白），以前他都曾經愛上過一些人，但這些對他都不太在意，他沒所謂：「你不喜歡我，我就不跟你多說話吧－－我怕我嚇倒你，見面少一點，談話少一點，那麼你可能會快樂一點，那麼我都可能會快樂一點。」所以其他人就覺得劉不可接近了，他也沒所謂。其他人都不是劉的意中人，那麼其他人的感受，對劉某人是無足輕重的。

只不過這些人會影響劉的意中人對劉的感覺，原來人言可畏就要這個意思。

覆水難收。曾經，有一女子－－劉某的意中人－－特意去找劉某人去做事，劉某當然非常高與：她知道我的存在了，我的機會到了。原來這女子要劉某自己將自己的心掬出來送她！劉某才知道什麼是無事不登三寶殿。好吧－－他一生就伸入胸腔，活生生拿出一個跳動的心臟－－你拿去吧。我以後都不想再見到你。（雖然如此，他仍然每日都想念這一個負心人，一個西毒望向白駝山的心情）

至此，劉某人就知道人本身相當邪惡。他懂得戴眼識人，見到真實的一面了。

他終於可以同西毒一樣，可以說這一番說話：

很多年之後，我有個綽號叫做西毒，任何人都可以變得狠毒，只要你嘗試過什麼叫忌妒，我不會介意他人怎樣看我，我只不過不想別人比我更開心。

觀眾

一直以來我都有很多演出，有樂隊有話劇有演講，原因是覺得心裏有一股慾望，希望可以將自己的才華表演出來，使人感到快樂。以前就有人說過，當自己投入去藝術時，自己就成了藝術的一部份。成了偉大事業的一部份，不就是很好嗎？

原來事情不是如我所料這樣好。就以我和同學一起搞的樂隊作例。我們已經有整整五年一起玩，以前我非常的積極參與樂隊的事務，我想我愛的音樂能夠演奏出來，我想我覺得能感動人心的歌曲能夠「出街」，不是我唱也沒有所謂（事實上，我只是一個沒有考過試的外行鼓手）。結果搞得和隊友的關係欠佳，大家早知。

現在，我的想法已經有所轉變，首先我愛的音樂一向走偏風，什麼Radiohead，什麼Muse，現在都不是英美的主流（現在是Justin Bieber的世界)，只有一班狂迷痴情於他們，好像是非他們的音樂就不是音樂。這想法，當然大錯特錯；二來，我現在更加喜歡古典和電影配樂，難道我可以叫五個人玩這類型的音樂嗎？難道我可以叫其餘四個人接受造些音樂嗎？更別說台下我們的同事。

此外，對藝術不太「上心」，倒是一件樂事：以前我只在表演者的角度看，始終看不清本身表演的內容是什麼：為什麼要唱歌？為什麼要彈結他？為什麼要打鼓？其實甚麼我都看不清。這五年來，我打鼓的技術進步少少，其實沒有什麼修為上的提升。在觀眾席上，我看到更多音樂的色彩，更多不同的層次，噢，我終於都知道我愛藝術了，但我不需要強行做一個藝術家，也可以愛藝術。就正如我不必在facebook打一個感性的status，也可以做一個感性的人（當然，在facebook放性感的相片，自然是一個性感的人）。

未來的日子，打鼓的機會只會愈來愈少，除非日後同事仍想表演，否則我家中的鼓棍實在是裝修的可再造之才；鼓藝本身都沒有多少，就當做還給教十年前教我打鼓的Ms. JoJo Ho 吧（好像她已經結婚生仔了，那麼我就送給她的兒子）。

至於我心中對藝術的執著……佛家說執著都不要得，那我就將這一種我執都燒掉吧。化作灰燼，對肺部可能無益，對心靈卻是奇藥。

人生若只如初見

今日做了一件有趣的事情：看一個從來不認識的人的Facebook。其實倒不是完全不認識他。本月初跟他就有個一面之緣，之間的距離約十米，我看見了他，他看不到我：因為他在台上，我只是個台下的看客。

今日我再一次做看客，他卻似早知：世間所有的相遇，都是久別重逢。我想要看見的，他都放了上去，我不想看見的，他已經收藏在裏。不過幾十張圖片，十多段文字，短短的自我介紹，他想什麼，我都清楚。

他就是我一直都尋找的文藝人，他是智慧和品味的化身，在他面前，我變得何等的無知；他就是豐盛神，我就是一如既往的豐盛神和貧窮神的下一代－－既沒有，又渴求智慧的人。

當然他所放的一切，都早有預謀：為何有布局？為何有這一種布局？他明明知道只有我這種人才會被吸引。對，他就要誘惑，我現在身處他設下的棋局，看似無路可逃，就像Chistopher Nolan 的 Prestige 一樣，兩個魔術師為得到對方的秘密，將自己的日記變為布局，只叫對方掉進陷阱。

但現世有什麼事沒有這一種目的呢？也許連我這一個角落，都只等有心人上釣，我自己都不可否認－－我寫日記於此，不過是姜太公釣魚。

可惜，人生若只如初見，我相信如有一天我們要見面，愛意不比今日濃。

Sprain

I got an ankle sprain at the time of critical importance again.

It is the right ankle again. I remembered the first time to have such as severe ankle sprain was my graduation camping of the primary school. I was skating and I hurt my ankle so badly that I had to leave the camp site (with the escort by the dearest friend KY, now a police officer). Tears were in my eyes. My classmates except KY would not be able to see it, because they all had fun in the camp. I was the only one who got hurt and pain.

That time I have known what pain really is.

This time, I had a football game with my classmates in the medical school. I tried to shoot from a return pass at the edge of the penalty box, but it turned out I had an unaccustomed position that I had an eversion injury. Completing the shooting posture, I still could manage to play. But later on, I found the pain not endurable and I had myself substituted.

Now what troubled me the most is not that I could not play football (indeed I realize I will have no chance to have football game before internship, not to mention during internship) for a long time, I could not step on the ground with my right foot easily, thanks to the pain. Therefore, I could hardly play drums with my usual right-hand setting.

One solution is I will try my less-proficient left-hand setting. I tried for some time about that sort of arrangement and it probably can work.

This time is not that painful now, strangely. The possible explanation is that, I actually not really care about the band performance. Band music to me is gone. I enjoy silence more than guitar and drum. However the performance this time, I have nothing to prove. If tomorrow I should find out my ankle's condition is so bad, I will even withdraw myself from the rehearsal. My bandmates can handle the condition without me, I am sure.

In other words, I don't feel the same pain I did this time. After all, I have become more philosophical and tried not to put others' happiness into my burden, or suffering.

Cheese

Morocco, as a country located around the Mediterranean sea, is famous of Cheese.

We have had uncountable opportunities to have a taste of this very food, which was not very commonly served in Hong Kong. Well, we know why it is so: the humid weather can change every unprocessed food in a day or two into the dim sum of gems. For the sake of health, we let go this germ which is recently studied by NEJM to become protective to our cardiovascular system.

Anyhow, every morning, when the sun has come up (or we have woke up at the clock of 11 am), we prepared ourselves with bread and cheese. It is of course wonderful to found the tasteless bread to become a pleasing dish after the cheese is prepared.

As a local tradition, Moroccan will also supplement the bread with many others ingredients on the bread like jams to increase the sweetness. Heard from my father, Addition of sugar is a way to sustain in an adverse environment.

VM is particularly in love with cheese and this drove him to buy a box of cheese to get back to Hong Kong. He has a high hope that the cheese can still be itself when it is emigrated to Hong Kong. I did not have the same hope.

What I do is simpler: taste the cheese while I can.

Swapping

The most fearful event before the internship finally came. Surprisingly, it was very smooth and it took me no more than two steps to complete the rotation choices by swapping with the others.

This is another time of moment that I felt the God of fate was working behind all of us. Either by the choices made previously or the changes with the people you know or you don't know, every step was like a butterfly moving its wing, which eventually made a tremendous hurricane.

While I felt happy for my friends who have got the desired combination, I felt the people who did not have  favorable rotations. What I could do to you is likely to be minimal, but I can just quote what SF told me once before: If you are meant to be a good doctor, you will be good whatever post you are in.

Please just hold on.

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One interesting fact about the swapping system is that, as usual in every year, you will encounter people you have never talked to during the swapping interval, possessing different interests. At that time, you will realize how fun it is to meet people whom you have never known can help you a great deal, even more than the people around you.

It is like exchanging train tickets (or octopuses) in the interchange station. People having opposite destinations will help each other for their own benefits. See, the world is after all not always a zero-sum game. If we can help each other even for the most selfish targets, we actually are doing something good to overall.

So may I use the space here to thank NL and DC for their sincere exchange. And I hope you two can get a good combination in the end (and of course, become the good doctors you want to be these 5 years).

Travelling

As usual, I brought books for travelling. So for this time, when I went to Morocco, I brought myself with some leisure readings too, but this time there is a subtle difference.

Kindle paperwhite was with me this time. I have had the time to finish The Three Kingdoms (三國演義) and some part of the Sherlock Holmes.

As for Three Kingdoms, this was perhaps my third time to read it up. Every time I do it, new ideas and images came up to my mind to an extent that it invaded into my dream as if I lived in that time of moment, fighting with the Generals. Blame it to the video games, the appearances of the people in the novels are quite fixed in my mind, but their characters are lively in the novel that I feel like we can talk when I read the book. What a fascinating experience it has been, especially when I finish all the examinations so far, free of pressure.

The reading began when I was preparing for the examination. Every night before I slept, I would lie down and turn on the Kindle and read the book. When I finished it, I just realized that 100 years of time has gone through in my head. 臨江仙, which is the first poet in the book, comes to my head.

滾滾長江東逝水，浪花淘盡英雄；是非成敗轉頭空，青山依舊在、幾度夕陽紅。

白髮漁樵江渚上，慣看秋月春風；一壺濁酒喜相逢，古今多少事、盡付笑談中。

We are just the ashes of time.