Car

I enjoyed a lunch with my friend EH, the expert of car.

He began his driving career two to three years ago since his university life. Knowing that I am interested in beginning my own one, he started to talk about how he searched for a good car with high value. This was actually my first time the other side of my friend, who was so knowledgeable in automobiles. You might say that, well, he is now an engineer and and he of course know more about the mechanics and cars.

But it is not that simple.

He told me you could only choose two among money, time and quality. He spent a lot of time in the selections through web and went through a lot of car markets to see something really good. As a result, he saved money and got a car of some quality. The two cars he had was perhaps not the fanciest models, but absolutely great deals for any new driver.

So if I had started to work hard on the mechanics of car few years ago, I could have been like an expert as him.

Oh, time has gone and I wonder what I have spent my life with. Was it just the profession or some other things else, I could not possibly tell, as I might not even spend enough time in studying at all!

I was in his car. His vehicle ran on the road and passed a few others. Time passed.

Truth

The truth is, no matter I am in the peak or the trough of my life, the one I missed have not been with me all along. With this point, I am confident to say that I should not care about it from now on. To reignite the life, I must go on.

1 year

Yes. I know it. I count the date. Around the same time last year, I saw you for the last time, probably in my lifetime.

Our technology has made us saw each other's face without really meeting each other. That's right. That's what is to go on in our decades and centuries. People will never meet each other. Instead of it, they text in the phones and they look at the photos from the screens. This is what is meant to be. Evolution.

You still look like who you were last year. I am sure, you ARE still who you are. Travelling through the psyche of human beings, you just know where to go and where to stay. Time and space do not matter, as long as there is there spirit that is carrying you.

It is just me who changed a lot. I am getting more fragile and fatigue. My injury will probably stop me from going up the hill and see you. My mind is getting strong, but no strong enough to say any word from my mouth. I have been speechless for long time. Nothing really deserves my attention and life is just dull. My heart just don't pump enough blood to activate my dying neurons in the brain. What is left, is just a mere robot with decaying flesh.

This is a story in one year.

Do not go gentle into that good night

Dylan Thomas, 1914 - 1953

Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless, me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

AD

I think I might need to have an advance directive, should the operation goes wrong.

I think that my life might as well end if I can't even play football, or run. In short, football IS my life.

Let's do it in GA. If the surgery get screwed up, then they better inject me sedative to let me sleep, forever.

But when I look at how resilient the world class football players are after their ACL surgery. I think I need to give my life a chance. To resurrect myself from the sorrow, I need to become stronger mentally. To stop myself breaking into pieces, I need to pick myself up and gather as a whole.

Let's fight!

My dear

To tell you the truth, my dear.

After knowing that I need a operation, I just don't miss you anymore.

This is the first time, after I met you, when I had some changes in my life, your face did not pop-up.

I have learnt how to let you go.

Murph

The core of Interstellar is about the interpretation of the famous Murphy's Law, typically stated as what can go wrong can go wrong.

In the movie it is mentioned as: whatever can happen, will happen. It is much more positive than that we know about Murphy's Law.

To compare and contrast, I would like to also draw a Chinese cliche 人生不如意事十常八九. On the other hand, we will eventually have one fantastic thing going around us, despite living in hell.

The director actually have a point. They talk about the possibilities in lives that we might not see it. It is like something amazing behind the black hole, which not even light can escape. Our future is always uncertain. Even different possibilities there are of course stony paths, but it is us that cannot see the bright side from the horizon.

The same applies to the umbrella movement, and various acts that fight for a better tomorrow.

Notwithstanding the apparent stability of our mankind nowadays, storms are coming. Our future does not look quite right in terms of politics, economies and environments. Somehow, a dystopian movie spreads a positive message that is always true: there has always a way out. There has to be another world if we are to pass through the black hole, however we don't know what will happen on that other side.

Injury

My knee hurts.

With an unexpected football game, with an unexpected challenge and unexpected fall, my knee hurts.

This not only stopped me from playing the game, this could stopped me from training for the half marathon.

Sigh. Sports are supposed to be my escape from life.

Letter

I revisited the songs from Beyond again, after a long time indulging in electronics and classical.

遙望 is one of my favourite songs from our Hong Kong Rock'N Roll classic. Please allow me to translate the beautiful lyrics that can be only happen in Chinese (sung by Cantonese):

仍是雨夜 凝望窗外
Still a rainy night, I stared outside the window
沉默的天際 問蒼天可會知
to the silent zenith I ask, will the heaven knows
心裡的感覺 
What I really feel like

隨著歲月 無盡愛念 藏在於心裡
Time after time, all the affections stay that in my heart
像冰封的眼光 失去了方向
like the frozen eyes, I am so lost

* 讓雨點輕輕的灑過
Let the rain drops fall
強把憂鬱再掩蓋
to hide my sadness
像碎星閃閃於天空
The stars in the sky sparkle
叫喚你 
is calling you

遙望盼望
I look forward and I hope
能像清風 陪伴她飄去
as if there is a wind to carry her
讓孤單的臂彎 一再抱緊你
to give a lonely arm to embrace you
回望往日 如霧似夢
When I look back, the days were like dreams and mists
無奈的輕歎 是她的歡笑聲
I sigh, that was her laugher
風似輕吹過
carried with the breeze


Repeat *
# 每天多麼多麼的需要
Everyday I need you
永遠與你抱擁著
I want to hold you forever
忘掉世間一切痛苦悲哀
to forget all the sorrow in this mortal land
縱使分開分開多麼遠
However the distance between us
也會聽到你呼喚
I can still listen to your call
期待我這一生再會你
and hope I can see you again in this lifetime
Repeat # Twice

I started to understand the affection on how people miss each other has been engulfed by our instant contact by internet. Why should we feel bad if we can text or even see each other in a second? The need to wait has gone. We have each other every time.

No wonder, we all miss something. We miss our patience to each other, and we do not think twice before deliver our unprocessed emotions. Our languages unpolished and our feelings stayed raw. Our arts are generated without the sense of craftsmanship.

Will the vivid heaven know what I really feel like?

Two unrelated dreams

Last night I had a run practice after a year of hiatus. For so long, I looked back and thought why I started this sport that you surely would not have a company and in the end do it on your own.

And then I went back home and slept. The sleep was fragmented. Two or more dreams went to me.

There were messages from the dreams. The first one: I was building a castle in the sky. But it was almost finished, it just fell to the ground.

Another one was I dreamed that the distance between N and K was not long if N was working in CPH.

Pick up line

After watching the Before Sunrise, Before Sunset and Before Midnight, my thoughts are stirred up.

What will I say, if I see you again?

I still have not watched The Wind Rises(風起了), as the critics said it was not good enough. But I think I might need to prove them wrong. Your idea?

And, have you watched Diana in the end?

By the way, have you also watched this trilogy as well? This was perhaps one of the few movies I had recommended but not watched to you that time.

Oh.

I just can't help it.

Gandhi

When I despair, I remember that all through history the ways of truth and love have always won. There have been tyrants, and murderers, and for a time they can seem invincible, but in the end they always fall. Think of it.

Always.

M.K Gandhi

Leader

The success of the OCLP so far is largely because no one is listening to the so-called leaders. When Joshua Wong was arrested, citizens flooded into the streets with their own will and passion. Towns occupied and government terrified.

But it will be also a possible failure for the campaign to not build up their commending board. Now the event is apparently organized in a sense that there has been no violent event and target is quite unified: to demand for the genuine universal suffrage and the step down of CY Leung. But at the same time, nobody has any clues on what to do next. How to step up the gear when the government refuse to talk? And to make it complete, how to strip down the event magnitude to make it a persistent fight when occupied all the major towns seems unlikely?

It is not easy to drive the citizens who have great autonomy (which results in their own devotion to the campaign) to do whatever the leaders want to do. After all, the citizens have enough of what the OCLP leaders did at the prologue of the event: looked weak and powerless in not began the OCLP right after the students started their protests. At the same time, the students may look confident before the cameras and the reporters, there are still questions that if they have the charisma to lead the event.

Hong Kong actually a person like a Julius Caesar. Of course, A Caesar to fight for democracy and not totalitarianism.  

64

The truth is history repeats itself. Students without weapons are beaten heavily by the government. And shamelessly the government can dare to say it was students who did wrong.

Gamer

Fifa 15 is out. I played Fifa 14 in PS3.

Lost in landslide again. I realized sadness and dissatisfaction are all I can get from this kind of entertainment.

I think I won't buy PS4.

Playlist

In short, Begin Again is a good musical record but not a remarkable movie.

Cycling

I recently made investment on various products, made up my mind that all the cash in the saving account is going to become less and less valuable everyday when there is inflation.

And I am right and wrong. What I am right is I understood the definition of inflation. What I am wrong is my investments so far have been contracting in values when the prices are almost all falling in an unpredictable market.

My friends and I discussed this issue and they had similar encountering.

"We must look forward even there are loss at the moment. Like learning cycling we can't look at the ground. We need to look forward so that we won't fall." Some words of wisdom coming from nowhere.

Or we can still borrow the quotation once again. "Why do we fall? Because we can learn to pick ourselves up." 

Message

The first mobile phone number is abandoned today and the new one will permanently replace it.

I pick up a phone and insert the SIM card to it to check if there is any message in Whatsapp that I have not noticed.

To be frank, I want to make sure I have not miss the message from you.

And There is actually no your message. I wished I could see your goodbye, or adieu.

Now I know I will miss you forever.

Sweet

On the side of my bag, there used to be some candies for instant surprise.

I just recalled that you had been very enjoyed with the sweet.

Now the sweets were gone, so were you.

Color

If bright color should represent emotions and black and white represents a dark mood, then Hong Kong local newspaper will need to have black and white only on their headline to reflect the condition of our dying city.

Tomorrow the central government will conclude the mode of the universal suffrage in 2017. This plan will be sent to the legislative council and let the legCos to give the green light. The pan-Democratic says no now, but probably some of them will say yes when the Communist party gives them benefits. This is so predictable for Hong Kong citizen.

This is not actually a problem whether we should take this allegedly universal suffrage as a small piece of gift or not. There is no choice for us in the council: The DAB and co. will ban all the possible choices that are against the interests of the Chinese government. In their mind, Democracy is against the interest of them. Why would they, given the guns and tanks in their hands, will give up their interest for the sake of this higher goal of Hong Kong citizens? They dominate the mass media and almost everything. We are just slave being controlled.

It is easy to understand the proposing cabinet will only give its ticket to but one candidate (who will be CY leung, of course) in 2017 provided the current mode of election. Well, there is no one who can stand firm and claim CY Leung is the only favourable candidate for Hong Kong, right?

Anyway, let's see how the story goes.

Come up to

Come up to meet you

Tell you I am sorry

You don't know how lovely you are

I have to find you

Tell you I need you

Tell you I set you apart

Tell me your secrets

Ask me your questions

Oh let's go back to the start

Running in circles

Coming in tales

Heads on the science apart

小諗頭

When I watched the bootlegs of the Med 5 band performance in the Facebook, I realized: we forever miss the beautiful things in our mankind: from the symphonies of the time of Mozart, to the band shows of mine.

Graft

A magical idea comes to my mind when we discussed about allogenic corneal graft. It was about a patient who had a perforated cornea and was in need for cornea transplant. There were basically two types of grafts available (or not so available) in Hong Kong eye bank, namely the frozen graft and freshly-prepared graft.

Frozen graft can preserve the eye but not the vision as it was all white and light cannot penetrate. Whearas, the fresh graft which has life-span of around 1-2 weeks, can revive the vision if a successful operation is performed. The patient was due to receive a frozen graft for her damaged eye, but one day just before the operation, the surgeon was called that a fresh graft was just available.

Without hesitation, the surgeon requested that precious one and made it to the patient. Beyond saving the eye, the vision and quality of life was resurrected.

But then we face another problem after the transplant: rejection. That's what my idea comes: can we have a match up between the donor and recipient beforehand so to make sure that the rejection rate can be lowered?

Evidence says yes and no. According to National Eye institute, "A study supported by the National Eye Institute (NEI) suggests that matching the blood type, but not tissue type, of the recipient with that of the cornea donor may improve the success rate of corneal transplants in people at high risk for graft failure. Approximately 20 percent of corneal transplant patients--between 6,000-8,000 a year--reject their donor corneas. The NEI-supported study, called the Collaborative Corneal Transplantation Study, found that high-risk patients may reduce the likelihood of corneal rejection if their blood types match those of the cornea donors."

To some extent, we should be always thankful when a timely graft is available when we need, but it will be fantastic if it is matched in blood type.

Nsin

Adieu. Nsin. (The Richard Parker in my mind)

無題

有個人總揮之不去

昨暴雨夜又夢憶舊日種種

甚是不快

何解?

因夢見他而不快

或因只是一夢而不樂

我不知道

或者

只怕不再遇上