Apathy II

Soon he got a endoscopy done by a good surgeon, who also took care of my mother's previous surgical condition. The result so far was still pending, however, malignancy basically was not the case.

My father took some drugs and got better with his meal. His mood was much better. Then I asked myself, if I was too stable on the course of my father's illness, or more technically, I was not having enough empathy towards my own father.

What troubles me is that, despite that our senior doctors teach us about showing empathy to people who suffer from diseases with our heart, I am not able to do it even to my father. I do not really take care of my father and sometimes even feel annoyed by his complaints. Am I? I asked myself and hoped the answer to be no. I am not concerned because I know this condition is most likely to be a benign and curable one. I am not concerned because my father did not look like a cancer patient. I am not concerned because......I am cold.

Realizing that there is a "cold" inside my heart, I have no idea on how to deal with that. That puzzles me the most.